I knew going Blank for a consecutive week was bound to backfire sooner or later. Seems like it happened later this time.


Some days you feel high, while other days you just wanna huddle in a corner and cry. Tonight it seems that my emotions have chosen the latter. No reason i guess. I feel like making myself read chem bonding now but i doubt it'll be of any use since i cant concentrate. Well, if i can i wouldnt be feeling like this huh ?


I'm very, very depressed now, for no reason that i know of. There are some possible causes but i dont really want to think of them much now since actually i have an idea it might lead back to that.

This reminds myself of the period nearing O levels when i couldnt take it and broke down that afternoon. Sitting in the corner of the classroom by myself, scribbling in my diary and shouting at everyone that entered to leave. Because of a fear of not performing and because of the problems with him that resurfaced then.

I'm grateful for KangLi and Karen who woke me up. For KangLi's "We are your friends and so we wont walk out on you just because you shouted at us" and for holding onto that source of catharsis which became an addiction. Now, to get survive this monster called GCSE, just like back then.



Certain things are not done because they cost too much to risk doing.

Yet we still walked, walking along the path that became a merge of lives, though I never realized when I let go of yours and when you released mine. Though you did, you left it there, hanging. I released my hold on you, the crowd filling in the space that grew between us, and soon, we would be lost, lost alone. It is hard to see you, and soon I see you not at all, and so I walk, walk alone.

I shall revise stats this week and finish it by monday.



On another note, i had a funny dream about Evan.


Ps. The internet is evil. I was actually supposed to start studying some 2 hours ago. Nooooooooooooooo.

Somedays you feel like a tool.

Taken up, used, tossed aside when they're done.

I felt like that again today. It's a lousy feeling.

I feel so happy today having bought two cans of chicken alphabet soup.














I think i'm weird.

a piece of you.

Because as they say, with friends like that, you have no need for enemies. If they cant be bothered to worry about what is going on with you, they might not be really worth your while after all. If they dont mind stepping on you, why be bothered when you are forced to do the same ? After all, it's all just going to be for a while more.




Now that i got what the Alter Ego has to say down into words, on some private chuckling matters:

1. I'm colour blind and my neighbour's a polar bear !

2. Oh and apparently i've been labelled a banana *attemps to do the banana jiggle but fails miserably*

3. I dont like people invading my spaceeeee. Cheese fries at CMC is the love though. (:

From Heaven You Came (Servant King)

To serve and not be served,

From Heaven you came,
Helpless babe,
Entered our world,
Your glory veiled;
Not to be served
But to serve,
And give Your life
That we might live.

This is our God,
The Servant King,
He calls us now
To follow Him,
To bring our lives
As a daily offering
Of worship to
The Servant King.

There in the garden
Of tears,
My heavy load
He chose to bear;
His heart with sorrow
Was torn,
‘Yet not My will
But Yours,’ He said.

Come see His hands
And His feet,
The scars that speak
Of sacrifice;
Hands that flung stars
Into space
To cruel nails
Surrendered.

So let us learn
How to serve,
And in our lives
Enthrone Him;
Each other’s needs
To prefer,
For it is Christ
We’re serving.

His Dark Materials

Fansite recommendation: http://www.bridgetothestars.net/
Fandom: His Dark Material Trilogy: Northern Lights/Golden Compass, Subtle Knife, Amber Spyglass
Author: Philip Pullman


Like his counterpart C.S. Lewis, Pullman weaves a beautiful tale with numerous underlying themes of parallel worlds that connect, choices, love and growing up. Difference is, His Dark Materials is very, very unlike the Narnia Chronicles, it is what one would call the antithesis of Narnia in fact.

The story starts off with the introduction of a young Oxford girl, Lyra and her daemon. What started out as normal lives changed drastically when one day they had to try to save a friend who was kidnapped. Lyra finds herself going on a unfathomable mission all around the world, meeting Talking Bears, an airship pilot, gypsies and many others who will either hinder or aid her in her quest within the quest.

The beauty of Pullman's work lies in his ability to hide layers and layers of themes in such a remarkably elegant manner that every time you re-read, you seem to find a surprise in store for you. The complex personalities of the characters leave them with so much humanity in them, that no matter how twisted they seem, they do have at least one redeeming quality in them. Pullman does not ask the question of whether what is done is good or evil but instead asks if you would have done it. A worthy read if you're looking for a serious book to spend some quality time with.

I doubt the upcoming movie would do him justice.

loves.

Today, i snapped. First time in about 6 months ? Guess so. The victim was my phone. Ha. Poor chap was totally maimed. It now has a chipped LCD screen and a rather ugly edge. Oh well. I like imperfect things more, most of the time anyway.


Anyway, i think Joey's psychic. I didnt even state why i killed my new phone and he knew. Like wow. Yay for the neighbour. Thinking of which, he was the idiot who was there earlier this year when things werent looking up too.

Regardless, thanks for everyone who was being so nice about things. Much love to Amantha, PinYi, Joey, Kimmy and Benji.

On a sidenote, Benji says he's sending something to me. Oh joy. (:

I just hope he doesnt decide to send me his KI notes or something. Hahaha.

Wenxin suggests i get a boyfriend or something as i seem to be too obsessed with my anime. So much that i'm upset over a fictional character's death. She's referring to Archer from Fate/Stay Night by the way. And i still think he's hot. And Unlimited BladeWorks was just plain awesome. Hur. Would consider buying the game if not fro the ergo content. Sigh.

On other matters, you start thinking of packing your desk when your ribbons get literally buried under your nose and you have to resort to some 20 minutes of irked searching.

I'm still missing a roll of black shiny thread. How am i even gonna start work at this rate !? Sigh.




My silly little princess who wears a necklace on your wrist; i love you very very much.

Why are we so afraid to admit that we care ?
Why are we always masquerading in that mask when there are others around ?
Why are we putting each other down when what we really want is to comfort ?
Why are we acting so indifferent in front of others when in actuality it's killing us inside ?

After all, i guess we never really understood what each other needed,
never seen what each other is like,
never understood what each other stood for,
never understood about each other's past and future dreams.

Are we really such horrid people, such selfish friends ?

Do japanese stylists have a thing for cutting people's hair short ? Like uber weird.

my idiot in ns.

I bet Lyon's mentally scowling at me because i said i can imagine him like a mole rat now that he's without hair.


Missed you tons bro. ((:

just a thought.

I was tempted to write this in the wordpress blog for privacy sake but decided against it.

It's been 18 years now. I feel really, really old. Even so, if only i could re-live life once more, there were so many people and things i would have chose to held on more significantly to. Regret is such a horrid thing, yet even knowing that does not enable one to break out of it clutches. Is courage really so hard to get ?

But they say, it's never too late huh ? So then, if you dont mind, let's grow up together.

Ebiko with rice is the love. (:

Anyway, had some problems meeting Jack just now. Such a pity. Hope he's fine. Am waiting for his mail now.

Also, i've planned my tea schedule for the week. Pray that the week goes by peacefully and productively. (:



I realised how reluctant i am to complete Fate/Stay Night now that Archer's gone. I'm pretty pissed if you noticed. After all, the protagonist is such such a complete idiot who should've just died like some 17 episodes ago. Heh. Oh well. Off to watch some other drama instead of forcing myself through episode 18 now.

THEY KILLED OFF ARCHER IN FATE 14 !!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!

Damn you Fate Project for killing off the hottest male character in the whole series. Okay. Now i feel better. Off to church. Hur.

Little Love Song

Stayed up to finish 9 episodes of Nobuta wo Produce ( Creep, that's some 11 hours !)

Anyway, after watching Yamapi perform, i'm now a convert fangirl. He's soooo hot. Hur. And so, i checked out some series he acted in and am now watching Proposal Daisakusen. It's not easy to find it though. But i've been's listening to Mongol 800's Chiisana Koi no Uta ever since i heard it in episode 2. It's just so sad somehow. Oh well. But it suited the story though. It's such a pretty story. Hur.


Look, the person who is important to you
is right beside you
I just want to reach only you
This echoing love song
Listen, listen, listen
this echoing love song

Hur hur. Ivan, i found the song.